Midterm Post

 

Unpacking Parenting Styles: Understanding the Impact of Different Approaches on Children

This is a short play featuring characters Moana from Disney’s Moana and Kambili from Purple Hibiscus. The play explores the question: How much do our parents shape us as we grow up? The dialogues highlight parallels and contrasts in their relationships with their dads as well as Moana’s grandmother and Kambili’s Aunty. Also the relationships that influence their decisions and identities.

Hello, I am Moana of Motunui.

Kambili: Hi, I am Kambili from Nigeria.

Moana: Ever since I was a little girl, I was destined to be the Chief of Motunui, and to put a slab of rock, just like the chiefs before me did. That is what my dad has always wanted from me, but what I always wanted was to sail beyond the reef to restore the heart of Te Fiti.

Kambili: Growing up I only listened to my father, whatever he said was what we were supposed to do. If we don't we get viciously abused by my father. Me, my brother, and my mother would always be at my father's mercy. There was this one time where my mother was pregnant and my father didn’t know. He ended you beating my mother brutality to the point when he brought her upstairs there was a trail of blood. She ended up having a misscarriage, which left her heartbroken, but wouldn't show it on her face. 

Moana: I am so sorry that this is happening to you, my father has also adopted an authoritarian parenting style without the abuse.

Kambili: What’s authoritarian parenting?

Moana: You know how parenting styles can shape us in ways we dont understand until we get older. 

Kamabili: Yah

Moana: I read in Psychology Today about this young child named Thomas whose parents set strict rules and structure with seemingly little interest in his thoughts and feelings (Golden, para 2). My father is like this. He would always tell me to stay, and to not go beyond the reef. He thought he was protecting me, but it felt like he didn’t trust me or my abilities to make decisions.

Kambili: This reminds me of my father. So basically my father adopted an authoritarian parenting style, before my mother poisoned his tea for many years. 

Moana: I AM SORRY WHAT?

Kambili: Yes, he was always so demanding that we followed strict religious rules, perfection in academics, and for us to never disobey him ever. You know what Moana?

Moana: What Kambili?

Kambili: I was reading the Parenting Science article on parenting styles and it said that. researchers have noticed links between authoritarian parenting and emotional troubles (Dewar ,para 26). I saw it myself. I was always so afraid to do or even say the wrong thing around my father.

Moana: I can see how the fear was so overwhelming. It's like how the waves keep pushing us back before we can even move. I was reading this fascinating article by International School Parents where they talked about how helicopter parents are always there to prevent the problem at first sight or clean up the mess, the child can never learn through failure (Van Hanswijck de Jonge, para 10).  After my dad’s best friend died when they went exploring beyond the reef, it caused him to never let me go beyond the reef. He thought he was protecting me, but it kept me from learning about myself. It wasn’t until I ventured beyond the reed that I finally discovered my own strength.

Kambili: Me too, I felt so controlled that I couldn’t think freely. In Psychology Today, I read about how authoritarian parenting prioritizes a high level of control to make children listen to them (Golden, para 11)

Moana: Do you know who was the one who pushed me forward, and made me sail beyond the reef to restore the Heart of Te Fiti?

Kambili: Who was it?

Moana: It was my grandmother. She encouraged me to listen to the call of the ocean, to trust my instincts, even when it terrified me. The PEP Parent website explained to me that we should lead by example (Matay, para 13). I think that grandma embodied that. She would let me learn from the mistakes that I made, and would support me along the way. She also would treat me like a child, and showed me that I am in charge of my own decisions. 

Kambili: That is my Aunt Ifeoma. She would always be there for me, and would treat me so well unlike my father. The JFSR article highlighted the supportive environments which children best thrive in, like teaching them appropriate skills and discipline (Uloga, para 13). My Aunt Ifeoma’s house was paradise compared to the fear and silence that took over at my house. While me and my brother stayed at her house we would laugh and speak without the terror of my father reigning over us.

Moana: It's so eye-opening how one person can help us change our perspective of things.  

Kambili: I know right! After my dad passed it felt like I was released from prison. But it's also hard to unlearn everything that I learned as a child. I remember that the WebMD mentioned that children who grow up with authoritarian parents tend to have low self-esteem (Brennan, para 1). Sometimes, I just hear my dad calling me, like how desi kids always hear their mother calling them even though she isn’t.

Moana: I get that. Breaking free from the mental restraints is a long journey that is worth it in the end. For me, I always hear the ocean calling out for me. It was my way of getting my voice back. 

Kambili: I hope to find that same courage. I want to draw my paths, not someone draw it for me, then I have to trace it. But it is just so hard to balance the need that I have for independence and my respect for my father. Even though his techniques would hurt me in the end, I do still love him. 

Moana: GURL THAT TOXIC AF!

Moana: But I understand that the balance is tricky to make sure it was in balance when he was alive. When my father realized that the ocean is part of who I am, he stopped trying to hold me back, and started to support me instead, which strengthened our relationship. 

Kambili: Right now, I’m trying to unlearn to not fear everything and to discover who I am, without my dad telling me who I can and cannot be. I know that it’s not easy, but I can feel my Aunt Ifeoma’s encouragement growing louder and louder. I know that I can achieve great things if I just believe in myself.  

Moana: You are just getting started, Kambili! I know that you are destined for great things! Finding your voice is just the first step toward becoming the person you are meant to be. 

Kambili: Thank you, Moana. Your story gives me the courage to remind myself that it’s okay to take risks, to make mistakes, and to learn from the mistakes that we make. I understand that our journeys are not the same, but my goal is just the same as yours.

Moana: To find yourself?

Kambili: TO FIND MYSELF!

Moana: (laughs)

Moana: You have gone through so much at such a young age. Yet, you are still pushing yourself, which takes incredible strength and courage. Just remember, the ocean chose me for a reason, just like how this life chose you, to show yourself how much courage you have. Remember to keep navigating your path, one ocean wave at a time. 

References

Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi (2003). Purple hibiscus. Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill.

Brennan, D. (2021, March 9). What is Authoritarian Parenting? WebMD; WebMD. 

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/authoritarian-parenting-what-is-it

Clements, Ron & Musker, John (Directors). (2016). Moana [Film]. Walt Disney Pictures.

Dewar, G. (2017, June 2). Authoritarian parenting: What happens to the kids? PARENTING 

SCIENCE. https://parentingscience.com/authoritarian-parenting/

Golden, B. (2024, February 11). Authoritarian Parenting: Its Impact, Causes, and Indications | 

Psychology Today. Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-destructive-anger/202402/authoritarian-parenting-its-impact-causes-and-indications

Matay, Kathy. (2022, December). Goldilocks and the Three Parenting Styles - PEP. PEP. 

https://pepparent.org/goldilocks-and-the-three-parenting-styles/

Moore, A. (2016, November 30). Disney’s “Moana” Shows Parents How Helicopter Parenting 

Doesn’t Help Their Children.

Ulogu, N.D. View of Parenting and the Girl-Child: Issues in Adichie’s Purple Hibiscus and 

Agbasimalo’s The Forest Dames. (2025). 

Afass.org.ng. https://jfsr.afass.org.ng/index.php/JFSR/article/view/7/6

Van Hanswijck de Jonge, L. (2018, November 18). Helicopter Parenting: The Consequences | 

International School Parent. International School Parent. 

https://www.internationalschoolparent.com/articles/helicopter-parenting-the-consequences/